So many thoughts with which to start.

Because we’re attached to the apartment while Ava is asleep, I should have lots of time to write. I don’t know what I’m doing while Ava is asleep, when I’m at home, which I’m replacing with writing. Video games? I think so.

I went to bed at 10:40PST last night. The number is important. My mind remembers numbers very well. I was awakened at 10:40 by a child so sad and terrified that no amount of consoling would appease her. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I’d gone to bed at 10:40 and now it was 10:40 – I had slept. Hadn’t I? Confusion set in with the siren around me, and my world needed context in order to make sense of it.

Slowly, in between shhhh’s and “it’s ok sweety” and her horrible shuddering and sobbing, I pieced timezones together and knew that I had slept for 2 hours. Time made sense again, and Ava calmed down and became happy again. Would she sleep? Or would she start crying again once she was put back into the crib?

The crib is in our bedroom. Miranda brilliantly moved her head to the other end of the bed so they could see each other, and made calming noises. It seemed to work, so everyone got back to sleep. That was a harrowing time, and unlike my calm faith of Wednesday that everything would be ok, it shook me to think that everything might not be ok.

5:20am we’re woken up. But it’s ok, because that’s Hawaii time which is 7:20am PST, which is when she usually wakes up. She’s happy.

We organize a few things, leaving her to play on the same mat as last night, and she doesn’t wail when Miranda is in the bedroom and I walk away. Small victories.

At 7am, I take her into the bedroom and give her a little bottle and put her in the crib. I stand there a moment while she doesn’t cry. I walk out and close the door. No crying, just sucking on her hand. I walk into the living room and declare, if not success, at least a temporary truce. Minutes later Miranda checks, and she’s asleep. One more little brick on the road to success.

Re-reading from yesterday, I forgot to mention that Miranda eventually did find our hiking carrier. 🙂

Here’s 4 photos from yesterday! Miranda had sent them before she went to bed, but they didn’t arrive before I went to sleep.

Sitting on the floor in the airport.

I’m telling her about what she’s looking at – the man walking with the little flagging sticks, the other planes, the cones, the stairs and walkways.

She looks content in this photo, in her little nest and her shows. But this is in the middle of trying to get her to sleep, and very shortly she starts to lose her shit, and shortly after that we get into screaming territory.